The Appearance of Love
How often do I fake love instead of feeling love; acting the way a person in love is supposed to act; saying the words a person in love is expected to say; ignoring aggravations because a person in love shouldn’t be annoyed; showing only bliss for the world to see; displaying a relationship void of negativity? I must convince people that I am in love. They must believe that we are in love. Does fake love trick my wife into believing that I feel true love? Does she fake love me back? Do these displays fool everyone? Are we all playing the same game? Do I really love my spouse? I say I do all the time, but how often to I really feel it? How long has it been since I thought of my spouse and felt true love?
I’m not speaking of true love in a romantic Princess Bride sort of way, but just simply an emotion that I can comfortably describe as love as I know it. When she gave me that great Christmas present? No. When she fulfilled some sexual request? Nope. Not then either.
True Love and Intimacy
I always feel renewed love for my wife when I find the courage to become vulnerable; to share my private thoughts and emotions. Her acceptance is transformational and inspiring. Specifically, I never felt more love for my wife than when I opened up and became more transparent about my feelings and inner anguish. I felt utterly exposed, vulnerable, and scared. These were thoughts, feelings, and desires I had kept private. Setting them free felt wonderful; a private burden released. Tears poured out of me. When she accepted me, nothing but pure love poured out of my heart. For her. For everyone. The power of acceptance overwhelmed me; the example providing the impetus to be more open and honest; revealing a new pathway to intimacy and closeness.