My Husband is an Idiot

Anyone who has ever been in a long term relationship with a man understands that they can be very irritating.

For example, maybe his preferred method for drying wet towels requires a heap on the bathroom floor.  Or even worse, maybe he is reconducting his 7th grade science experiment on mold growth to verify the initial findings.  Either way, you are in a bad spot; your partner either has no concept of towel drying efficiency or he has regressed to being a twelve-year old.   Be forewarned; you may hear the word “mommy” soon. 

When you got married, you probably had no idea that your husband was so friendly with germs; since he seems unaffected by the unsanitary and unpleasant visual aesthetic of an open toilet seat.  But the man you married is smart; therefore, you show him videos that reveal scientific proof of what happens when toilet seats are left open.  “See honey, fecal matter is everywhere.” You feel vindicated and affirmed as he nods his head in knowing acknowledgment.  But the next day, you learn that one can be immune to facts and data, as well as disease.  As you turn your gaze from the open toilet seat, a thought bubble arises from your head with the words, “Ohhhhhhh noooo!” 

The wet frigging towels.  There they are.  On the floor.  ‘What is he doing?  Is he expanding his science experiment to include fecal matter as well as mold?  Well that’s just bad science. Someone should tell him that testing more than one variable will blur and perhaps invalidate the results.’

However, I suggest you take a moment to balance yourself, at this time, to consider the distinct possibility that your husband will one day be viewed as a scientific visionary. No? Maybe?     

In addition to these calamities, your husband also has a truly terrible sense of direction; evidenced by the trail of drinking cups left around the house like he is Henry the frigging Explorer who needs to find his way home. You confront him, but this time he resists.  “Sweetie, uncleanliness is next to Godliness. It’s in the Bible. Look it up.” 

You are stunned; not only was this never about science, but apparently he has had God on his side. 

Husband, Relationships, Spouse, Marriage